Being a mother or father is a desire of many people. Some dream about it since childhood, others begin to awaken this desire only after adulthood. Of course, there are those who have no desire to experience parenthood. And it’s all right.
We come across several proofs out there that being a parent is not easy and can even be defined as the biggest challenge in someone’s life. There are several things to worry about once you know you are going to have a child . Health, education, leisure, housing… Everything is up to the parents. And it is their duty to make sure that all this arrives correctly and appropriately for the children.
Being a father can be, as the saying goes, suffering in paradise. But that doesn’t mean it’s made of only good things. While parenthood is one of the most beautiful experiences there is, it is also fraught with stress, frustration, and negative emotions. Even because we are all human.
It’s quite likely that, on at least one occasion, these not-so-positive feelings have led parents to think they don’t like their children “enough”. But this is not an uncommon thing and experts talk about it.
According to therapist Ryan Lowe, it’s perfectly normal that sometimes, when the child is irritating or the parent wants to change some of the child’s personality traits, parents don’t like their children as much.
This feeling can originate from several reasons. One of them, and one of the most important, is the so-called mirror effect. According to the psychologist, this effect happens when the mother or father identifies in their children defects and flaws in their temperament, but refuses to accept them.
So, if this problem is not faced head on and resolved, it is possible that emotional friction will start to emerge and this can end up harming family life.
Lowe also explains that the way a person was raised and the relationship they have with their own parents can also influence the way they will relate to their own child.
“If you had a difficult childhood or you didn’t have a good relationship with one of your parents, it’s likely to be more difficult for you to talk to your child and listen to their needs,” explained Lowe.
In addition to these points, the psychologist also emphasizes that parents should not feel sad or ashamed for having and experiencing these feelings. Instead, what needs to be done is to start validating emotions and trying to reconcile with yourself.
What to do
In order to resolve this uncomfortable situation, there are some actions that parents can take. The first is to change your expectations. That’s because sometimes they can be quite tall and restricted. And when it seems that the children cannot fulfill them, it is common for the parents to have a feeling of annoyance or rejection.
The second point is not to criticize so much. No matter how stressed the parent is, they should never take it for granted by screaming, cursing or assaulting their children. And when you have any comments about their behavior you need to say it in a calm tone of voice.
The third and final point is to seek therapy. If the other steps have already been applied but have not had an effect and the parents are still unable to connect with their children, it is a good idea to consult an expert.
This consultation will have many benefits, including being able to help identify the source of anger, decrease stress levels, increase resilience, and give a better understanding of family dynamics.